
THE 

i!MOK.ING 

CAIC 

WD-HOWELLS 





The SmoMng Car 

A FARCE 






By W. D. Howells 






toutJJbien 






^ 






BOSTON AND NEW YORK 

Houghton^ Mifflin and 
Company m d o c o c 











34688 



Library of Conq»'ese 

Two Copies ReceivEo 
AUG 151900 

Copyright entry 

SECOND copy. 

Delivered to 

ORDER DIVISION, 
AUG 22 1900 



^6^v^; 



COPYRIGHT, 1898, BY 

FRANK LESLIE PUBLISHING HOUSE 

COPYRIGHT, 1900, BY W. D. HOWELLS 

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 



oS; 



i 



The Smoking 'Car 

A FARCE 

In the smoking-car of a surhurban train 
on the Boston and Albany Railroad ^ in 

* the Albany Depot at Boston. Mr. Ed- 
ward Roberts is seated, deeply absorbed 
in a book which he is reading. He has 
a pile of newspapers and magazines be- 
side him, and he rests an absent hand on 
them. The seat in front is opened toward 
him, and he keeps a foot against its edge 
with the effect of laying claim to it, while 
a Young Mother, with a child in her 
arms, enters hastily and looks distract- 
edly aboict. There is no one else in the 

[3] 



The Smoking-Car 



car, and after walking its length she re- 
turns and addresses herself anxiously to 
Mr. Roberts. 



ROBERTS AND THE YOUNG MOTHER 

The Young Mother: "Is this the 
car for Newton Centre ? " 

Roberts, starting wildly from his 
book : " Newton Centre ? Why, I don't 
know ; I presume so ; yes. Yes, I think 
so. I 'm going to Newton Centre my- 
self. It is the car for Newton Centre, 
is n't it?" 

The Young Mother: "The brake- 
man said it was." 

Roberts : " Oh, well, then, it must 
be. Why" — 

[4] 



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The Young Mother: "Because my 
husband's coming to go with me and 
I did n't want to get into the wrong car. 
He had to run back to the store for some 
things." She approaches Roberts, and 
looks down at the seats before and be- 
side him. " But if you 're going there, 
it must be all right. Is this seat oc- 
cupied ? " 

Boherts : " Well, not at present. I 'm 
expecting some friends, but " — 

The Young Mother : " Oh, well, all 
right, then. Should you mind if I put 
my baby down by you here a min- 
ute?" 

Hoherts, reluctantly, but more ab- 
sently than reluctantly : " Why, no ; I 
suppose not." 

The Young Mother, with an air of 

[5] 



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explanation : " You see, I 've got to go 
and get my bag. I had it sent over 
from the boat — we just got in this 
morning, off the boat, you know — the 
Bangor boat ; and it 's so heavy — I '11 
have to hunt it up at the express office, 
any way — that it don't seem as if I 
could manage both at the same time; 
and I don't know but what I '11 tele- 
graph to my husband's folks that we 've 
got here, too. I would n't ask to leave 
her with you, but there don't seem to be 
anybody else I can ask, and I don't be- 
lieve she '11 make you any great trouble. 
May I?" 

Hoherts : " Why, yes ; of course — 
that is, certainly, if " — 

The Young Ifother : "Oh, I don't 
believe she '11 cry, and I shan't be gone 

[6] 



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but a minute, any way." Roberts does 
not offer to remove the papers at bis 
side, and the young motber, after 
smoothing the baby's dress carefully 
under her, puts ber down on top of 
them. "Now, baby, don't you cry. 
Mamma will be back in a minute. 
Good-by ! Good-by ! " She retreats a 
few steps, and flutters her hand at the 
baby. " Goo, goo ! Smile a little ! 
Smile for the gentleman ! There ! 
She '11 be all right, and I '11 be right 
back. Do you know where the bag- 
gage-express office is ? " 

Roberts^ in a daze : " It 's in the sta- 
tion, I think." 

The Young Mother : " Right close 
to the place where the New York train 
stops?" 

[7] 



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Itoherts : " Yes, yes — I think so, I 
believe so — yes, it is." 

The Young Mother: "That's what 
the black man that calls the trains said ; 
but I thought I 'd better make sure, be- 
cause there ain't much time to lose. 
Don't you topple over, baby ! " She 
runs forward and saves the baby from 
falling against the side of the seat from 
the top of the magazines. " There ! 
Mamma just caught you, did n't she ? " 
To Koberts : " If you don't mind, I '11 
just throw these things on to the seat in 
front of you, and then she '11 sit stead- 
ier." She lifts the baby, and flings 
Roberts's papers upon the other seat, 
and then replaces the baby at his side. 
" Now she 11 do nicely. I 'm so glad I 
happened to think of it before I went, 
[8] 



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for she might have fallen forward just 
as well as sideways ; and it — would 
you mind putting your hand round her 
a little mite so as to keep her up ? She 
is so wiggly ! " Eoberts glares stupidly 
up through his glasses and she takes 
hold of his arm and passes it round the 
baby. " If you '11 excuse me ! There ! 
Now she will do." She moves back- 
ward to the door of the car again, wav- 
ing her hand at the baby. "By-by, 
precious ! Don't you be afraid ! Mam- 
ma '11 be back as soon as she 's got her 
bag. Goo, goo ! Goo, goo ! " She dis- 
appears through the door, but instantly 
reappears. " Do you know how soon it 
starts ? " 

Roherts, stupidly : " What starts ? " 

[9] 



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The Young Mother: "Why, the 
car?" 

Eoherts .-''Ohl Oh, yes! The train! 
I don't know." 

The Young Mother : " Does it start 
at half past nine, exactly ? " 

lioherts : " I 'm sure, I don't know. 
Yes, yes ! I believe it does. Yes, my 
friends were to take the 9.30." 

The Young Mother^ laughing : " You 
seem to be pretty easy for a person that 
was to meet friends. I sh'd been in a 
perfect fidge to know whether I 'd got 
the right train." Roberts makes no 
response to her remark, and a doubt 
rushes visibly into the young mother's 
face. "You're sure it is the car for 
Newton Centre?" 

Hoherts^ with some spirit : " I think 
[10] 



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I said that I was going to Newton Cen- 
tre myself." 

The Young Mother: "Yes, that's 
what you said. But you might have 
got the wrong car. I guess it 's all right, 
though. And you think this is the one 
that goes at half past nine ? " 

Roberts^ looking mechanically at his 
watch : " Yes, yes ! Half past nine ! " 

The Young Mother : " Good gracious ! 
Is it half past nine already ? Then there 
won't be time to " — 

Roberts : " No, no ! It is n't half 
past nine ; its only ten minutes past." 

The Young Mother : " Well, that 's 
nice. And this is the half past nine 
train f " 

Roberts : " Yes, that 's what I meant." 

The Young Mother, returning a few 

[11] 



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steps within : " I questioned the black 
man that calls out the trains in the wait- 
ing-room pretty close up about it, and 
he said it was. But he might have 
made a mistake, because he has to keep 
so many on his mind. I asked him if 
he did n't, oftentimes ; but he says that 's 
just the reason he never does. I told 
Jiim that I should go perfectly dis- 
tracted ; and I cautioned him about my 
husband coming to meet me on the 9 : 30 
train, and he said there could n't be any 
mistake about it. Do you suppose there 
could?" 

Roherts : " About what ? " 

The Young Mother: "About the 
train." 

Roherts : " Oh, none whatever ; not 



[12] 



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the least in the world. It 's the train 

for Newton Centre, I 'm quite certain." 

The Young Mother : " The 9 : 30 ? " 

Eoherts: "Yes, the 9:30." 

The Young Mother : " And what 

time did you say it was now ? " 

Moherts : " I 'm sure I don't know." 
The Young Mother : " Why, you just 
looked at your watch ! " 

Roberts : " Did I ? I thought you 
wanted to know what train it was." 

The Young Mother, after a moment's 
doubt, in a burst of kindly perception 
and confidence : " Well, I guess your 
friends better come ! But it 's like John, 
half the time, and I guess most men are 
just so, if the truth was known. It 's a 
comfort to feel that you can be trusted 



[13] 



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in spite of yourselves. Won't you see 
what time it is again, please ? " 

Hoberts^ looking at his watch again : 
" Ten minutes after nine." 

The Young Mother, easily : " Oh, 
well, then ! " She returns and pulls the 
baby's clothing straight over the toes of 
her small shoes, kisses her, hugs her, 
and kisses her again. " There ! Now, 
I will go ! And if my husband should 
happen to come in while I 'm gone, will 
you tell him I 'm just out hunting for 
my bag?" 

Roherts : " Yes, yes. I shan't for- 
get." 

The Young Mother, in a burst of 

good feeling : "I guess I can trust you. 

I should like to tell your wife about 

your looking at your watch for the day 

[14] 



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of the week, if it 's her that 's coming 
to meet you, and have a real good laugh 
with her." She beams kindly though 
somewhat patronizingly upon Koberts, as 
she retreats once more toward the door. 
" By-by, baby ! I '11 be right back. I 
don't know but I 'd better tell her to 
look after you,^'* She laughs toward 
Roberts, as if this were a joke which 
he must enjoy with her, and vanishes 
through the door of the car just as Mr. 
Willis Campbell enters by the door at 
the other end. He walks down the car 
toward Roberts, approaching him from 
behind. 



[15] 



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II 

CAMPBELL AND ROBERTS 

(7aw2?6e?Z; "Hello, Eoberts! What 
are you doing in the smoker?" He 
leans over Eoberts to put various par- 
cels into the rack, without observing the 
baby. " You '11 be taking to drink 
next." 

Hoherts, vaguely: "Is this the 
smoker?" 

Camphell : " It 's going to be, as soon 
as I can light a cigar. But I don't 
know what you '11 say to Agnes when 
she finds you here, wreathed in a cloud 
of tobacco. She's coming with Amy, 
is n't she?" 

Roberts : " Yes, I think she said so." 

Camphell : " Well, I '11 tell you what, 
[16] 



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Roberts : you think too much ; you 
ought to know something. Now, even 
jTknow that those two women are com- 
ing down here to join us, and they '11 go 
flying about like a couple of distracted 
hens when they don't find you. They '11 
never think of looking for you here, 
and they don't want me, and they '11 be 
in an awful flutter." 

Hoberts, anxiously : " Perhaps I 'd 
better go into another car." 

Campbell : " No ; this would be a 
good place to have it out with them. 
There won't be anybody else here, prob- 
ably, and it will be quite like your own 
fireside. One of the few advantages of 
going home with you and Agnes, when 
you 've been in over night with us, is 
that you can have the smoker all to 
[17] 



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yourself in the morning. The commu- 
ters don't begin going out till afternoon, 
and probably there won't be a soul at 
this hour to interrupt a family row. 
Still, I don't know but it would be 
safest to divide up, and you go into 
another car, as you don't smoke." He 
continues to fit parcels into the racks as 
he talks. 

Hoherts: "Yes; I really think it 
would, but I don't know what to do 
with this " — He glances down at the 
baby. 

Camphell^ heaving a final bundle into 
the rack : " There ! That 's done for." 
He turns about and follows Roberts's 
glance. "Hello! What's that? Why, 
I was just going to sit on it ! Did you 
find it here ? " 

[18] 



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Roberts : " No, no ; it was left here 
— it was put in my charge — that 
is" — 

Campbell: " Who left it ? '' 

Roberts, with spirit: "Who left it? 
Why, its mother, of course ! " 

Campbell : " Its mother ? Where 
is she?" 

Roberts : " I 'm sure I don't know. 
She went out to get her bag at the ex- 
press office, and she '11 be back directly." 

Campbell, sitting down in the seat 
before Roberts and the baby, and con- 
fronting Roberts and the baby with a 
hard, judicial aspect: "How long has 
she been gone ? " 

Roberts : " She went out just as you 
came in. She has n't been gone a mo- 
ment." 

[19] 



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Camphell : " And she asked if she 
might leave the baby here with you 
while she was gone ? '* 

Boherts: "Yes." 

Campbell: "And you said she 
might." 

Boherts : " I could n't very well re- 
fuse. I let her leave it, of course." 

Campbell : " Of course." He re- 
lents so far as to make a silent inventory 
of the baby's features and draperies. 
" It 's rather a nice little thing." 

JRoberts, with relief : " Yes, and it 's 
been very good." 

Campbell : " Oh, it has n't had time 
to be bad yet, if its mother 's just gone 
out." After a moment : " Besides, it 's 
probably drugged." 

Boberts, in alarm : " Drugged?" 
[20] 



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Campbell : " They usually drug them 
when they leave them that way." 

Roberts: "What do you mean by 
' leave them that way ' ? " 

Campbell : " Oh, nothing. Hello ! 
it 's going off ! " 

Roberts^ grappling with the child : 
" Going ofp ! Good heavens ! She was 
afraid I should let it fall." 

Campbell : " I don't mean that. It 's 
going to sleep ; don't you see ? It is 
drugged ! No wonder it 's so good. 
Well, I congratulate you, Roberts." 

Roberts^ angrily : " Congratulate me ? 
What do you mean, Willis ? " 

Campbell : " I don't know what Ag- 
nes will say to your taking such a re- 
sponsibility without consulting her, but 
if you would do it, why I don't believe 
[21] 



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you could have adopted a prettier 
child." 

Eoherts: "Adopted!" 

Camphell : " Do you mean to say 
you did n't know what you were about ? 
In this paragraphic age, when every 
other day you might read of young 
mothers getting unwary strangers to 
hold their babies a moment, and then 
walking off and never coming back, do 
you mean to tell me you didn't know 
what game that woman was playing ? 
Well, you ought to be left with some- 
body, and I 've half a mind to adopt 
you myself. That's all." He falls 
back against the seat, opens a news- 
paper, and makes a show of reading it. 
Roberts leans forward and desperately 
rends it from him. 

[22] 



The Smoking-Car 



Roberts : " Willis, do you suppose — 
do you think " — 

Campbell : " Oh, I let you do the 
thinking. I simply know. I don't go 
beyond that. I leave thinking to men 
of intellect. I'm nothing but a busi- 
ness man." 

Hoberts : " And what do you know ? " 

Campbell : " Oh, nothing. Merely 
that you 're in for it ! " 

Roberts, sternly : " Do you mean that 
— that — poor creature has abandoned 
her child, and isn't coming back any 
more?" 

Campbell : " Well, not if you ask it 
in that threatening way, my dear fellow. 
I did n't put her up to it." 

Roberts : " Well, it 's preposterous ! 
She could hardly tear herself from it. 
[23] 



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She came back again and again, to kiss 
it, and " — 

Campbell: "Oh, I dare say! The 
natural feeling would assert itself at the 
last moment. I suppose I should do 
just so myself if I were a mother and 
meant to abandon my child. You 
could n't expect less of her." 

Roherts : " But what possible motive 
could she have for abandoning her 
child? Why should she do such a 
monstrous " — 

Camphell : " Oh, well, there are va- 
rious reasons. Perhaps her husband had 
abandoned her ; or she may have been 
a young widow with no means of sup- 
porting it. There are always good 
grounds for a mother's deserting her in- 



[24] 



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fant when she does do it. What sort 
of a looking person was she?" 

Roberts : " I don't know. Very good- 
looking, I believe." 

Campbell: "Oh!" 

Roberts: "And young — and nicely 
dressed — very respectable in appear- 
ance " — 

Campbell : " Ah ! " 

Roberts : " And smiling, and " — 

Campbell: "Of course; she had to 
put that on, poor thing ! It would n't 
have done to let you see how heart- 
broken she really was. That would have 
roused even your misgivings. Was 
she what you would have called a 
lady?" 

Roberts, thoughtfully: "Not — not 

[25] 



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exactly : not in the society sense, that 
is. I should say she was a nice village 
person — the wife of a prosperous me- 
chanic. She spoke of her husband's 
' folks.' " 

Campbell: "Precisely. Well, all 
you've got to do now is to reconcile 
Agnes to the inevitable. She '11 come 
round in time, but of course " — 

Roberts^ with an effort for lightness : 
" Oh, come now, Willis ; there 's enough 
of this. I don't mind a joke, but 
there 's such a thing as carrying it too 
far." 

Campbell: "Ah, that's what you 
ought to have said to the unnatural 
mother." He leans forward and looks 
closely at the infant. " Do you suppose 
there's any mark on its clothing, or 
[26] 



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any little note tucked in anywhere that 
would form a clew ? " 

Roberts^ faltering : " I don't know. 
I never thought " — 

Camphell : "Then, for once, you 
ought to have thought. Better look " — 

Roherts : " But I can't. I am afraid 
that if I disturb her she may " — 

Camphell: "Cry? Very likely. But 
you must do something, you know. 
Could n't you pass your hand — I don't 
believe you '11 wake her — softly over 
her, and if anything crackles like pa- 
per " — Roberts acts upon this sug- 
gestion, so far as may be without 
risk to the child's tranquillity. " No ! 
All is silent. Well, then, the only thing 
is, should you know the mother again if 
you saw her ? " 

[27] 



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jRoherts : " I don't believe I should. 
Would you — would you go out and 
look for her?" 

Camphell : "But if you wouldn't 
know her when you saw her ? " 

Roberts : " That 's true ! But some- 
thing must be done ! What would you 
do?" 

Campbell : " Why, if you don't really 
want to keep the poor little thing, or if 
you don't suppose Agnes " — 

Roberts : " No, no ; impossible ! It 
is n't to be thought of ! " He has got 
to his feet, and is standing over Camp- 
bell in great excitement, while Campbell 
remains calm. 

Campbell : " Then, I '11 tell you what 
you can do, and it 's the only thing you 
can do. You 'd better take the baby, 
[28] 



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and run through the crowd; and per- 
haps, if the mother sees you, — she '11 
be hanging about remorsefully, — she 
may relent and want it back." 

Moherts^ catching up the child from 
the seat : " Would you — would you — 
try leaving it with the brakeman, 'first? 
He might have noticed what sort of 
looking person she was, and " — 

Camphell, tolerantly : " Yes, you 
might try that." Roberts rushes from 
the car with the little one, while Camp- 
bell fastens his face to the car window, 
and expresses in vivid pantomime his 
pleasure in some spectacle without. He 
turns as Roberts reenters the car, with 
the child in his arms. " Well ? " 

Roherts^ breathlessly : " He won't do 
it. He says it is n't his business to look 
[29] 



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out for passengers' children, and I 'd 
better find its mother, if I can ! " 

Campbell : " The heartless ruffian ! 
But you see, now, don't you?" 

Boherts -' " Yes, yes ! I see ! You 're 
probably right. But what would you 
do now?" 

Campbell : " I don't see what 's left, 
except to do what the brakeman and I 
have advised." 

Roberts : " And if I can't find her ? " 

Campbell: "Then you'll have to 
bring the baby back, and throw your- 
self on Agnes's mercy. Or, hold on ! 
Yes, I think you might try that ; you 
might try leaving it at the package 
window. Very likely they 'd take charge 
of it there, if you checked it, and keep 
it till the mother called for it. But 
[30] 



TJie Smoking-Car 

most probably you '11 find her, and when 
she sees that you are determined not to 
be put upon, perhaps " — 

Roberts : " And — and — you don't 
think it would be better for me to leave 
the baby here with you, and run out and 
look for its mother myself ? " 

Camphell : "I hnow it would n't. 
The whole moral effect upon her would 
be lost without the baby. Besides, how 
would you know her ? You must take 
the baby for the moral effect upon her." 

Roberts^ with despairing conviction ; 
" That is true ! " He rushes out again, 
and again Campbell attaches himself to 
the window, while from the other end of 
the car Mrs. Roberts and Mrs. Camp- 
bell advance falteringly and doubtfully 
toward him, with many diffident looks 
[31] 



The Smoking-Car 



to the right and left. They seem to 
decide simultaneously that the figure at 
the window is Campbell, for they start 
vividly forward. 

ni 

MRS. ROBERTS, MRS. CAMPBELL, AND 
CAMPBELL 

Mrs. Camphell : " WiUis ! " 
Mrs. Hoherts : " Where is Edward ? 
We 've been all through the train, 
and" — 

Mrs. Campbell : " We can't find him 
anywhere. We knew we should find 
you in the smoking-car, and so I brought 
Agnes right in. Haven't you seen 
him?" 

[32] 



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Campbell : " Why, certainly. Have n't 
you ? " He turns and faces them hardily. 

Mrs, Camphell : " Of course we 
haven't. Do you think we'd ask if 
we had?" 

Mrs, Moherts : " What do you mean, 
WiUis ? Has he been here ? " 

Campbell : " Yes, I thought you must 
have met him. He has n't been gone a 
moment. He 's just gone out with the 
baby." 

Mrs. Roberts: "The baby? What 
baby?" 

Campbell: "That's just what Kob- 
erts is going to find out if he can. He 's 
looking for the mother." 

Mrs, Roberts : " Willis, dear, don't 
tease! What do you mean by the 
mother ? " 

[33] 



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Camjjhell : " What does anybody 
mean by tlie mother ? The mother of 
the baby. Roberts is out looking for 
the mother who left the baby. Isn't 
that plain enough ? " 

Mrs. Campbell^ pouncingly: "No, 
Willis, that is not enough ! And I 
want you to stop your teasing, and 
tell us what you mean by a mother leav- 
ing her baby. Where did she leave 
it?" 

Camphell: "Here." 
Mrs, Cami^lell: "When?" 
Campbell: " About ten minutes ago." 
Mrs. Camphell : " What for ? " 
Camphell: " Ah, there you have me." 
Mrs. Camphell : " Willis, if you don't 
answer me, I shall make a scene and 
disgrace you before the whole car. I 
[34] 



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am not going to be trifled with any 
longer." 

Camphell : " I don't blame you, Amy. 
I should n't like it myself. As long as 
there 's nobody but Agnes in the car I 
shan't mind your making a scene, and as 
we 're likely to have the smoker to our- 
selves on a 9 : 30 train, why not sit down 
and wait here till Eoberts gets back ? " 
Mrs. Camjibdl^ firmly : " No, we shall 
not sit down, or anything, till you ex- 
plain yourself. Now, don't go on with 
that nonsense about the mother and the 
baby, because we won't stand it." 

Camjjbell : " Then what shall I go 
on with?" 

Mrs. Roberts : " Oh, go on with any- 
thing, Willis ! " 

Campbell : " Very well, then, all that 
[35] 



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I can say is that I found Eoberts here, 
five minutes ago, in charge of a baby — 
or child of a year — which he said had 
been left with him by its mother, while 
she went out to look up her baggage at 
the express office." 

Both Ladies: "Well?" 

Campbell: "Well, after a few mo- 
ments' conversation with me he took the 
child and went out to look up the mo- 
ther." 

Mrs. Campbell : " But why did he do 
that?" 

Mrs, Roberts : " Why did n't he sim- 
ply wait till she came back ? " 

Campbell : " Perhaps he thought she 
wasn't coming back." 

Mrs, Roberts: "Oh, nonsense, Wil- 
lis!" 

[36] 



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Campbell : " Oh, very well ! " 

Mrs, Camphell^ visibly shaken : 
"They really do it sometimes, Agnes. 
I 've read about it myself. But " — 

Mrs. Roberts : " Well, they never do 
it in the world. It does n't stand to 
reason, Amy. If Willis were a mother 
himself he would n't even suggest such 
a thing ! " 

Mrs. Campbell., with conviction : " Of 
course he would n't. And if this is one 
of his miserable jokes " — 

Campbell : " Well, I don't pretend to 
be a mother, but I hope I understand 
the feelings of a man, and I assure you 
that I wouldn't joke on such a sub- 
ject." 

Mrs. Campbell : " Then what are you 
joking about ? " 

[37] 



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Cam'pbell : " I am not joking at all." 
Mrs. Hoberts, visibly daunted: "I 
can't believe the wretcbed creature 
would really do it. Why did n't you ask 
the brakeman if he had noticed where 
she went ? " 

Camphell : " Well, that 's what Eob- 
erts did, and he wanted to leave the 
baby with him, but the brakeman said 
he had better find the mother himself — 
if he could. Koberts came back to re- 
port, and then he went out again. I 
suppose if he can't find her, you '11 have 
to keep it, Agnes. It 's a pretty little 
creature, and it seemed good. Hello! 
Here it comes, bringing Roberts with 
it ! " Roberts enters the car flustered 
and dazed, with the signs of anxiety 
and disappointment filling his face, and 
[38] 



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drops of perspiration starting from his 
brow. " Well, where was she ? " 

IV 

ROBERTS AND THE OTHERS 

Mrs. Campbell : " Did you find her ? 
What did she say?" 

Mrs, Roberts : " Why did n't you 
leave the baby with her ? " 

Mrs. Campbell : " Why did n't she 
come back with you ? " 

Roberts, frantically : " Because I 
did n't find her. I 've been to the ex- 
press office and everywhere." 

Campbell, to Mrs. Eoberts: "You 
see!" 

Mrs. Roberts : " But you must find 
her, Edward ! " 

[39] 



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Campbell : " Did you try leaving it 
at the package window ? " 

Roberts : " No ; I could n't quite 
bring myself to that. " 

Mrs, Campbell : " Of course you 
could n't ! And nobody but Willis 
could have the heart to suggest such an 
inhuman thing. The package window ! " 
She drops on one knee before Koberts, 
who sits supporting the baby in his lap, 
and begins to study it. "Poor little 
creature ! How good it is ; and it 's 
perfectly lovely, with those big blue 
eyes ; and it 's as clean as a pin. Why, 
it 's charming, and it is n't the least 
afraid. Just see it, Agnes ! " 

Campbell : " Yes, Roberts said its 
mother had beautiful eyes and an attrac- 
tive smile, and was nicely dressed. He 
[40] 



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seemed to have noticed everything about 
her." 

Mrs, Campbell^ still considering the 
baby : " You can see what a good mo- 
ther she is. Of course she is n't rich, 
but it 's all the better cared for on that 
account. She has n't left it to any hor- 
rid shirk of a nurse. It 's as sweet as 
a little pink, is n't it, Agnes ? " 

Mrs, Roberts^ leaning forward in some 
distraction : " Oh, yes ; it shows the 
mother's touch. Was she young, Ed- 
ward ? " 

Roberts : " I don't know — I think 
so — I didn't notice — quite girlish, I 
should say. She kept coming back to 
take leave of it." 

Campbell : " I tell him that was the 
remorse working in her." 
[41] 



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Mrs. Camphell : " Nonsense ! She 
never meant to leave it in the world." 

Cam'phdl : " Then why does n't she 
come back ? " It 's twenty minutes past 
nine, now." 

Mr8. Camphell : " Very well, then ; 
something has happened to her ! " 

Mrs. Hoherts : " Oh, something must 
have happened to her. Why does n't 
some one go out and look for her ? It 
seems so terrible for us to be keeping 
her baby here and not knowing what has 
happened to her." 

Campbell : " But if nothing has hap- 
pened " — 

Mrs. Camphell : " Don't hint such a 
thing. You hnow there has. You ought 
to go out and see ! " 

Camphell : " I ? Eoberts ought to 
[42] 



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go and see. I should n't know her if I 
found her." 

Mrs. Roberts : " Oh, do go, Willis ! 
Poor Edward is all worn out. Look at 
him ! " Koberts has fallen back in ex- 
treme dejection and exhaustion, and he 
supports the baby on his knee with so 
lax a hand that it topples forward. The 
ladies scream, and Campbell catches it 
from him. 

Camphell : " Look what you 're about, 
Eoberts ! You 're not fit to have an 
abandoned child left with you. Bless 
my soul, it 's off again ! " 

The Ladies: "Off?" 

Cam'phell : "Yes, it's going to 
sleep." 

Mrs, Camphell : " So it is, poor little 
forsaken soul ! Let me take it." 
[43] 



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Mrs. Eoherts : " The little darling ! " 
As Mrs. Campbell possesses herself of 
the baby : " Be careful, Amy ! " 

Camphell : " It was asleep when 
Roberts went out with it. Roberts 
thinks it 's drugged." 

Hohevts : " No, no, Willis ; you sug- 
gested that. Though it is strange it 
sleeps so much. She said they were 
right off the boat, and perhaps they 
did n't sleep well during the night." 

Mrs. Campbell, pressing her face 
into the baby's : " To be sure they 
didn't, poor things ! " 

Camphell : " And the mother may 
have fallen asleep in the express office 
with her bag in her arms. That would 
account for her not coming back." 

Mrs. Camp)hell, not minding him : 
[44] 



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" If she does n't come back I shall keep 
it myself." 

Camphell : " Not if I know it, Mrs. 
Campbell. That baby is my property." 

Mrs, Roberts: "But if her mother 
left her with Edward " — 

Camphell : " It was because I had n't 
come in yet. She 'd never have left her 
with Roberts if she 'd seen me. What 
shall we call her, Amy ? " 

Mrs, Campbell: "No, no! We 
must n't think of it, till we 've left no 
stone unturned. You must go out and 
look for her, Willis, and if you don't 
find her " — 

Campbell : " But have n't I told you 
that I should n't know her if I saw her ? " 

Mrs. Campbell : " It does n't matter 
about your not knowing her. She '11 
[45] 



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know you if you have the baby with 

you." 

Campbell : " Have the baby with me ? 
Ha, ha, ha ! I think I see myself run- 
ning about with a baby in my arms ask- 
ing people for its mother ! " 

Mrs, Campbell : " You made Edward 
do it." 

Campbell : " That was another thing. 
She left it with him." 

Mrs. Campbell : " But you said she 
would have left it with you if she had 
seen you first, and now you must take 
it." She tries to push it into his arms. 

Campbell : " Oh, come, now ! You 
don't want to make me ridiculous, 
Amy!" 

Mrs, Roberts : " You would n't really 
be ridiculous. I'm sure that any one 
[46] 



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who saw you, and knew what you were 
doing to save a poor woman from de- 
spair, would praise you up to the skies 
for it." 

Moherts : " I really think you could 
manage it better than I, Willis ; you 
are so ready, and you know how to take 
people so cleverly. Nobody would think 
of making a joke of you." 

Campbell : " Oh would rCt they ! " 

Mrs. Camphell: "And if they did, 
it ought n't to make the least difference 
to you. You ought to be glad of it. 
And, at any rate, you 've got to go." 
She makes him take the child from 
her. 

3frs. Roberts : " Yes, Willis, you 
must ! Poor Edward is perfectly gone." 

Campbell: "Well, so am I." He 
[47] 



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suddenly drops the baby into Roberts's 
lap, and makes a start toward the door. 
The two ladies fling themselves in his 
way with one cry of protest and de- 
spair, 

Mrs, Roberts and Mrs, Carrvphell: 
"WilHs!" 

Mrs, Roberts : " You won't refuse 
such a little thing, Willis ! " 

Mrs, Campbell : " If he does, I will 
never speak to him again ! " 

Campbell : " Oh, very well, then, if 
it comes to that! Here, give her to 
me." He seizes the baby from Roberts 
and dashes from the car, laughing. 

V 

MRS. CAMPBELL, MRS. ROBERTS, ROBERTS 

Mrs, Roberts : " There, I knew he 
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would, if we could only appeal to his 
better nature." 

Mrs. Camphell: "I hope it's his 
better nature. But I did n't like his 
laughing." 

Roherts: "That may have been 
merely nervous; it made me nervous. 
But Willis manages these things so 
well ; he 's so full of resource. I feel 
quite sure he '11 find her." 

Mrs, Roberts^ pressing to the window 
and looking out: "He's disappeared 
already ! I should n't like to look for 
any one in that crowded station. He is 
energetic." 

Mrs. Campbell^ joining her : " He 

knew that I was in earnest. But I 

don't want to make him feel ridiculous. 

If I 'd thought he really cared — But 

[49] 



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something Lad to be done, and done 
instantly. Did they laugh at you, Mr. 
Eoberts?" 

Moberts : " Well, I can't say laugh, 
exactly. No, I don't think I could say 
they laughed outright. But when I ran 
about, and asked if they had seen any- 
body — any lady — who had left her 
baby with a gentleman in the smoking- 
car, while she went out to look up her 
bag at the express office, they smiled." 

Mrs, Campbell : " I suppose it did 
amuse them ; men are so peculiar. I 
hope I was n't too precipitate with poor 
Willis. But I knew that he could do 
something if he was forced to it." 

Roberts : " Yes, he '11 come out of it 
all right, with his tact and invention. 
He '11 find her, easily enough." 
[50] 



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Mrs. Roberts^ in a transport' of tri- 
umph : " He has found her ! There he 
is, coming back, without the baby ! " 

Mrs. Camphell : " Where ? Oh, yes ; 
I see him ! I do believe he has found 
her ; and now I owe him any reparation 
that he chooses to ask. I '11 confess that 
I was wrong to send him. He is good, 
is n't he, Agnes ? " 

Mrs. Roherts : " He 's beautiful ! 
And you are just the wife for him. Amy. 
You do appreciate him." 

Roberts : " Willis is magnificent. I 
envy him his executive ability." 

All Three^ as Campbell enters the 
car, turning from the window : "Well ? " 



[61] 



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VI 

CAMPBELL AND THE OTHERS 

Mrs, Campbell : " Where did you 

find her?" 

Mrs. Roberts : " What did she say ? " 
Roberts : " How did you know her ? " 
Campbell : " Nowhere ; and nothing ; 

and I didn't." 

Mrs. Campbell : " Then what did 

you do ? " 
Mrs. Roberts : " Where is the baby ? " 
Roberts : " How did you get rid of 

it?" 

Campbell : " The way you ought to 

have done, my dear fellow. I left it 

with the matron — or whatever she is 

— of the ladies' waiting-room." 
[52] 



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Mrs. Boherts : " Oh Willis ! " 

Mrs, Camphell : " And here we had 
been praising you so, and I was sorry 
that I had made you go ! Well, that is 
what I get for ever regretting that I 
treated you badly." 

Moherts : " You think it will occur to 
the mother to inquire of the matron " — 

Campbell : " She won't make any 
inquiries! Or if, by one chance in a 
thousand, she wants her baby again, and 
makes a row for it after our train 's 
gone, the matron is the very first person 
she '11 be sent to. I thought it all out. 
In the other event, it will be handed 
over to the proper authorities and sent 
to the Derelict Infants' Home — or 
something. At any rate, it 's off our 
hands." 

[53] 



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Mrs. Camphell : " Indeed it is n't. 
If she does n't come for her baby, I 'm 
going to keep it myself." 

Camphell : " You ? Why you 're 
worse than Eoberts." 

Mrs. Camjjhell ; " I don't care who 
I 'm worse than. Agnes does n't want 
it, for she 's got children of her own, and 
so you may go straight and bring it back 
here. Do, Willis ! I 'm truly in ear- 
nest. If that poor thing should come 
here for her baby before you brought it 
back, I don't know what I should say to 
excuse you." 

Camphell : " Oh, I could trust you to 
think of something." 

M7'S, Camphell : " Don't tease, dear- 
est, and do run ! " 

Mrs. Roherts : " Yes, Willis, you 
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must. It would be shocking to have 
her come for it, and we have to make 
some sort of lame explanation. Hurry 
as fast as you can. It must be nearly 
train time." 

Hoherts, looking at his watch : " Yes,, 
it 's five minutes of it. But that 's 
plenty of time for Willis — if he does n't 
delay." 

Campbell : " Oh, hello ! Don't you 
join in, Roberts. It was you who got 
us all into this trouble, and now I 'm 
going to let you go and get the baby 
from the matron yourself. There's 
plenty of time for you, if you don't 
stand here dilly-dallying." 

Roberts : " But the matron would n't 
know me, and she wouldn't give it to 
me. 

[55] 



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Campbell : " I guess she '11 give it to 
anybody that asks for it." 

Mrs. Campbell: "Very well, then 
I '11 go for it myself. After this, don't 
pretend that you have the least regard 
for me. Don't try to stop me ! " 

Campbell^ interposing himself be- 
tween his wife and the door : " Only 
over my prostrate form, Amy. I 'm go- 
ing. Your reasoning has convinced me ; 
but you know that if we adopt this child 
I am not going to take care of it." 

Mrs. Campbell : " No, no, Willis. I 
shall never ask you. I assume the 
whole responsibility. Oh, how sweet 
you are ! You always come round in the 
end." 

Campbell : " I always listen to rea- 
son, even when I 'm going to make a 
[56] 



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fool of myself. But suppose some- 
body 's got it away from tlie matron 
on false pretences, and I can't bring 
it?" 

Mrs. Campbell : " Don't come back 
without it ! " 

Campbell : " Oh, very well." He 
rushes out. 

VII 

MRS. CAMPBELL, MRS. ROBERTS, ROBERTS 

Mrs. Campbell, watching him through 
the window: "He did hate to go!" 
Turning to Mrs. Roberts : " Perhaps 
I 've been rash, Agnes." 

Mrs. Roberts : " No, not in the least, 
Amy. I should have been just so with 
Edward, and he would have hated it 
[57] 



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quite as much as Willis ; would n't you, 
Edward?" 

Hoherts : " Oh, quite. It would have 
been extremely disagreeable." 

Mrs. Campbell: "Then I wish you 
had spoken before, Mr. Roberts. I 
did n't want to treat Willis worse than 
Agnes would have treated you. I am 
sure we have both, Willis and I, tried 
to consider you in the matter." 

JRoherts : "Of course. You cer- 
tainly have, and I am very grateful for 
your kindness. But you know I did n't 
like to interfere, exactly." 

Mrs. Roberts : " Edward is always 
very careful in such matters." 

Mrs. Camjjbell : " Oh, I am sure he 
meant well. But if Willis had been in 
his place and you in mine, I think Willis 
[58] 



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would have said sometliing to stop me — 
or you, I mean." 

Mrs, Roberts: "I hope you don't 
blame poor Edward, Amy, i£ you have 
been a little harsh with Willis." 

Mrs. Campbell : " Then you think I 
have been harsh ! Well, I must say I 
did n't expect this of you, Agnes, when 
I was doing it all to relieve Edward of 
a difficulty." 

Mrs. Roberts : " You know I did n't 
mean to reproach you. Amy." 

Roberts : " And we both thoroughly 
appreciate what you and Willis have 
done. I 'm sure I don't know what 
would have become of me without your 
help — or his." 

Mrs. Campbell : " Oh, I assume 
nothing for myself." She takes out her 
[59] 



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handkerchief and wipes her eyes with 
a swift dash, and then runs it back 
into her pocket. "Don't regard ??ze, 
please ! But I wish the next time you 
think I am making Willis make a fool 
of himself, you would n't hesitate to 
say so." 

Mrs, Roherts^ glancing out of the 
window : " There ! There he is com- 
ing back." 

Mrs, Camphell^ springing to the win- 
dow beside her: "Don't tell me he 
isn't bringing the baby! Yes, yes! 
He 's got it. And now I forgive him 
everything. I'm sure I don't know 
what we shall do with it." 

Mrs, Roberts : " Why, I thought 
you wanted to adopt it. Amy." 

Mrs, Campbell : " Not if it 's been 
[60] 



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the cause of my making Willis make a 
fool of himseK. I should always detest 
the sight of it." She turns to encounter 
her husband, as he enters the car, red 
and perspiring, with the child in his 
arms. " Had she come for it ? Did the 
matron give it up willingly ? Were you 
very ridiculous, Willis ? Did she laugh 
at you ? What did you say to her ? " 

VIII 

CAMPBELL, AND THE OTHERS 

Camphell^ sinking breathless into the 
seat beside her ; " One thing at a time, 
my dear, and nothing till I 've got my 
wind." He pursues, panting : " There 
had n't been any rush for her, not even 
on the part of the unnatural mother, 
[61] 



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and I dare say I was more a fool than I 
looked." 

Mrs. Hoherts, fondly and proudly: 
" Oh, you couldn't be, Willis, dear ! " 

Campbell : " Thank you, Agnes, you 
are always so flattering. But the main 
point is that I got the baby back for 
you, and here it is, Amy, and the sooner 
you take it — Hello! " They all start 
into listening postures, while an excited 
and anxious woman's voice makes it- 
self heard from without in apparent 
parley with the brakeman on the plat- 
form : — 

The Woman^s Voice : " Is this the 
half past nine o'clock train for Newton 
Centre?" 

The Brakeman' s Voice : " Well, for 
that and about twenty other places." 
[62] 



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The Woman's Voice: "The half 
past nine ? " 

The Brahemaris Voice : " Yes, 
ma'am." 

The Woman's Voice : " You 're sure 
it has n't gone ? " 

The Brakeman's Voice : " Well, I 
won't be, in about two minutes." 

The Woman's Voice : " Oh, my gra- 
cious ! Which is the smoking-car ? " 

The Braheman's Voice : " This is." 

The Woman's Voice: "And was 
there a lady, here, about half an hour 
ago, that came out and told you she had 
left her baby in the car with a strange 
gentleman, and asked you whether you 
thought it would be safe, and said she 
would be back in about a minute, and 
asked you to tell her just how soon the 
[63] 



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train started, and said she was going to 
get her bag at the express office, and 
asked you if you would look in now and 
then and see how the baby was getting 
along, and asked how she should know 
the car again, and you said it was the 
smoking-car, and she would know it by 
that, and " — 

The Braheman's Voice : " Yes, 
ma'am." 

The Woman's Voice : " Goodness ! 
Then there ain't a minute to lose ! " 

Campbell : " The unnatural mother ! 
What are you going to say to her when 
she comes in to rob you of your adop- 
tive child?" 

Mrs, Campbell : " I shall know what 
to say. I hope you will." 

Campbell : " I hope Roberts will." 
[64] 



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IX 

THE YOUNG MOTHER, AND THE OTHERS 

The Young Mother^ at the door, 
peering down the aisle till she catches 
sight of the baby, which Campbell has 
expeditiously transferred to Roberts's 
knee, and then running toward the 
group : " Oh, there were so many, was 
afraid I never should get to the right 
one. But it is the car, and there you 
are, baby, as bright as a biscuit ! Did 
you think mamma had forgotten her 
precious ? Oh, you darling ! " She 
catches the baby from Campbell, and 
crushes it to her breast and face ; and 
then turns to Roberts : " I don't know 
what you '11 think of my being gone so 
[65] 



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long, but I have had such a time ! 
First off, I thought I 'd telegraph to his 
folks that we'd got here safe, but I 
could n't seem to find the right place to 
send the dispatch to very easy — they 
live back in the country, a little ways 
— and then after I got it off, I went to 
the express office for my bag, and lo ! 
and behold it wasn't there, and they 
said the baggage from the Bangor boat 
was n't in yet, and I thought I should 
go through the floor ; and who should I 
see but John himself, just about as wild 
as I was, looking for me and baby ; and 
he 's gone back to look after my bag on 
the boat, and we 've concluded to stay 
till he gets it. He said he 'd been all 
through the cars looking for baby and 
me, and he could n't find us." 
[66] 



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Campbell : *' He probably did n't 
look into the smoking-car." 

The Young Mother : " Well, tbere, 
I guess you 're right ; and I don't 
know as I blame him any, for I did n't 
intend to get into it myself, and the 
gentleman here " — she nods down at 
Roberts — " did n't tell me it was a 
smoking-car when I left baby with him, 
and " — 

Campbell : " Oh, that 's just his way. 
He didn't know it himself." 

The Young Mother : " Well, he did 
seem pretty absent-minded, so 't I 
did n't feel exactly right about leaving 
baby with him, but I had to leave her 
with somebody, and " — 

Campbell : " You could n't have 
chosen better." 

[67] 



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The Young Mother : " I 'm sure I 'm 
ever so mucli obliged " — 

Camphell : " Don't mention it ; we 've 
all helped — my wife here, and my sis- 
ter — and we 've all taken such a fancy 
to your baby " — 

Mrs. Roberts : " Yes, indeed ! Such 
a good little thing ! " 

Mrs. Campbell : " Perfect little an- 
gel!" 

Campbell : " We almost hoped you 
would n't come back for it, and we were 
just quarreling about which family it 
belonged to when you came in." 

The Young Mother : " Well, I guess 
when I tell John that he '11 be ashamed 
of the way he talked to me about leavin' 
it with a perfect stranger. But I see by 
the gentleman's looks that it would be 
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all right, and so I told John. I hope 
he did n't think I was never coming 
back, by the way I stayed." 

Campbell: "Not for an instant! 
He 's a brother-in-law of mine, and I 
took him in hand as soon as I came into 
the car, and we said we knew you 'd be 
right back, and if you did n't come be- 
fore the train left we 'd get off." 

The Young Mother : " Well, I wish 
you good morning ! And if any of you 
do ever come down Bangor way " — 

The Braheman's Voice, without: 
"AU aboard!" 

The Young Mother, vanishing 
through the door : " Oh, my good 
gracious, I shall get left, after all ! " 

Camphell, as the car starts : " Well, 
Roberts lied us out of that pretty well, 
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didn't he?" He puts his arm across 
Roberts's shoulders. " But he saved the 
mother's feelings by it; and I shall 
never think the worse of you for your 
fibs, old feUow ! " 

[70] 



ElectrotyPed and printed by H. O. Houghton <5t* Co. 
Cambridge, Mass, U. S. A. 



5 190Q 



